um the other day i was hit by a car( i got reversedinto) the car was going to hit my shopping trolly with jason in it so i jumped infront and copped the full blast of it
Jason is ok though not hartmed at all
i coped a pretty bad hit to the hip, and i have re craked my hip again, (this is now the 3rd time it has been cracked)
so yeah i went to the doctor he sent me for x-rays, and yeah he told me not to have any more children for 5 to 10 years, though he advises that i dont have any more at all, because my hip is that stuffed now i will not be able to carry any more,
i know that i have jason and i am so so so greatful
thoughits jsut heartbreaking being 23 and being told that i can not have any more kids,
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Ways to remember
I have been trying to think of ways to remember Bryce, i know i will never forget him as i have parts of him up and around the house (his little things) i would love to dosomething for other mums, to let them knw they are not alone, thogh i jsut dont know what....
does anyone have any suggestions?
does anyone have any suggestions?
Thursday, July 2, 2009
More photos of Bryce
hi girls there isnt a post here jsut photos thank you for taking the time to look
I just cant let go... i know i need to though i just cant, they ssay its ment to get easyer though its not, it still feels like it was yesterday we had Bryce and for them saying they cant do anything to help him "we advise you jsut holdhim until he passes"
i still remember the moment he passed away, and stopped kicking :(
taken from a lady by the mane of Amber22406 off fertility Friend
this is the link to post
http://preg.fertilityfriend.com/PCircles/viewtopic.php?t=1889180
What Not to Say
When trying to help a woman who has lost a baby, the best rule of thumb is a matter of manners: don't offer your personal opinion of her life, her choices, her prospects for children. No woman is looking to poll her acquaintances for their opinions on why it happened or how she should cope.
• Don't say, "It's God's Will." Even if we are members of the same congregation, unless you are a cleric and I am seeking your spiritual counseling, please don't presume to tell me what God wants for me. Besides, many terrible things are God's Will, that doesn't make them less terrible.
• Don't say, "It was for the best - there was probably something wrong with your baby." The fact that something was wrong with the baby is what is making me so sad. My poor baby never had a chance. Please don't try to comfort me by pointing that out.
• Don't say, "You can always have another one." This baby was never disposable. If had been given the choice between loosing this child or stabbing my eye out with a fork, I would have said, "Where's the fork?" I would have died for this baby, just as you would die for your children.
• Don't say, "Be grateful for the children you have." If your mother died in a terrible wreck and you grieved, would that make you less grateful to have your father?
• Don't say, "Thank God you lost the baby before you really loved it." I loved my son or daughter. Whether I lost the baby after two weeks of pregnancy or just after birth, I loved him or her.
• Don't say, "Isn't it time you got over this and moved on?" It's not something I enjoy, being grief-stricken. I wish it had never happened. But it did and it's a part of me forever. The grief will ease on its own timeline, not mine - or yours.
• Don't say, "Now you have an angel watching over you." I didn't want her to be my angel. I wanted her to bury me in my old age.
• Don't say, "I understand how you feel." Unless you've lost a child, you really don't understand how I feel. And even if you have lost a child, everyone experiences grief differently.
• Don't tell me horror stories of your neighbor or cousin or mother who had it worse. The last thing I need to hear right now is that it is possible to have this happen six times, or that I could carry until two days before my due-date and labor 20 hours for a dead baby. These stories frighten and horrify me and leave me up at night weeping in despair. Even if they have a happy ending, do not share these stories with me.
• Don't pretend it didn't happen and don't change the subject when I bring it up. If I say, "Before the baby died" or "when I was pregnant" don't get scared. If I'm talking about it, it means I want to. Let me. Pretending it didn't happen will only make me feel utterly alone.
• Don't say, "It's not your fault." It may not have been my fault, but it was my responsibility and I failed. The fact that I never stood a chance of succeeding only makes me feel worse. This tiny little being depended upon me to bring him safely into the world and I couldn't do it. I was supposed to care for him for a lifetime, but I couldn't even give him a childhood. I am so angry at my body you just can't imagine.
• Don't say, "Well, you weren't too sure about this baby, anyway." I already feel so guilty about ever having complained about morning sickness, or a child I wasn't prepared for, or another mouth to feed that we couldn't afford. I already fear that this baby died because I didn't take the vitamins, or drank too much coffee, or had alcohol in the first few weeks when I didn't know I was pregnant. I hate myself for any minute that I had reservations about this baby. Being unsure of my pregnancy isn't the same as wanting my child to die - I never would have chosen for this to happen.
• Do say, "I am so sorry." That's enough. You don't need to be eloquent. Say it and mean it and it will matter.
• Do say, "You're going to be wonderful parents some day," or "You're wonderful parents and that baby was lucky to have you." We both need to hear that.
• Do say, "I have lit a candle for your baby," or "I have said a prayer for your baby." Do send flowers or a kind note - every one I receive makes me feel as though my baby was loved. Don't resent it if I don't respond. Don't call more than once and don't be angry if the machine is on and I don't return your call. If we're close friends and I am not responding to your attempts to help me, please don't resent that, either. Help me by not needing anything from me for a while.
If you're my boss or my co-worker:
• Do recognize that I have suffered a death in my family - not a medical condition.
• Do recognize that in addition to the physical aftereffects I may experience, I'm going to be grieving for quite some time. Please treat me as you would any person who has endured the tragic death of a loved one - I need time and space.
Please don't bring your baby or toddler into the workplace. If your niece is pregnant, or your daughter just had a baby, please don't share that with me right now. It's not that I can't be happy for anyone else, it's that every smiling, cooing baby, every glowing new mother makes me ache so deep in my heart I can barely stand it. I may look okay to you, but there's a good chance that I'm still crying every day. It may be weeks before I can go a whole hour without thinking about it. You'll know when I'm ready - I'll be the one to say, "Did your daughter have her baby?" or, "How is that precious little boy of yours? I haven't seen him around the office in a while."
Above all, please remember that this is the worst thing that ever happened to me. The word "miscarriage" is small and easy. But my baby's death is monolithic and awful. It's going to take me a while to figure out how to live with it. Bear with me.
http://preg.fertilityfriend.com/PCircles/viewtopic.php?t=1889180
What Not to Say
When trying to help a woman who has lost a baby, the best rule of thumb is a matter of manners: don't offer your personal opinion of her life, her choices, her prospects for children. No woman is looking to poll her acquaintances for their opinions on why it happened or how she should cope.
• Don't say, "It's God's Will." Even if we are members of the same congregation, unless you are a cleric and I am seeking your spiritual counseling, please don't presume to tell me what God wants for me. Besides, many terrible things are God's Will, that doesn't make them less terrible.
• Don't say, "It was for the best - there was probably something wrong with your baby." The fact that something was wrong with the baby is what is making me so sad. My poor baby never had a chance. Please don't try to comfort me by pointing that out.
• Don't say, "You can always have another one." This baby was never disposable. If had been given the choice between loosing this child or stabbing my eye out with a fork, I would have said, "Where's the fork?" I would have died for this baby, just as you would die for your children.
• Don't say, "Be grateful for the children you have." If your mother died in a terrible wreck and you grieved, would that make you less grateful to have your father?
• Don't say, "Thank God you lost the baby before you really loved it." I loved my son or daughter. Whether I lost the baby after two weeks of pregnancy or just after birth, I loved him or her.
• Don't say, "Isn't it time you got over this and moved on?" It's not something I enjoy, being grief-stricken. I wish it had never happened. But it did and it's a part of me forever. The grief will ease on its own timeline, not mine - or yours.
• Don't say, "Now you have an angel watching over you." I didn't want her to be my angel. I wanted her to bury me in my old age.
• Don't say, "I understand how you feel." Unless you've lost a child, you really don't understand how I feel. And even if you have lost a child, everyone experiences grief differently.
• Don't tell me horror stories of your neighbor or cousin or mother who had it worse. The last thing I need to hear right now is that it is possible to have this happen six times, or that I could carry until two days before my due-date and labor 20 hours for a dead baby. These stories frighten and horrify me and leave me up at night weeping in despair. Even if they have a happy ending, do not share these stories with me.
• Don't pretend it didn't happen and don't change the subject when I bring it up. If I say, "Before the baby died" or "when I was pregnant" don't get scared. If I'm talking about it, it means I want to. Let me. Pretending it didn't happen will only make me feel utterly alone.
• Don't say, "It's not your fault." It may not have been my fault, but it was my responsibility and I failed. The fact that I never stood a chance of succeeding only makes me feel worse. This tiny little being depended upon me to bring him safely into the world and I couldn't do it. I was supposed to care for him for a lifetime, but I couldn't even give him a childhood. I am so angry at my body you just can't imagine.
• Don't say, "Well, you weren't too sure about this baby, anyway." I already feel so guilty about ever having complained about morning sickness, or a child I wasn't prepared for, or another mouth to feed that we couldn't afford. I already fear that this baby died because I didn't take the vitamins, or drank too much coffee, or had alcohol in the first few weeks when I didn't know I was pregnant. I hate myself for any minute that I had reservations about this baby. Being unsure of my pregnancy isn't the same as wanting my child to die - I never would have chosen for this to happen.
• Do say, "I am so sorry." That's enough. You don't need to be eloquent. Say it and mean it and it will matter.
• Do say, "You're going to be wonderful parents some day," or "You're wonderful parents and that baby was lucky to have you." We both need to hear that.
• Do say, "I have lit a candle for your baby," or "I have said a prayer for your baby." Do send flowers or a kind note - every one I receive makes me feel as though my baby was loved. Don't resent it if I don't respond. Don't call more than once and don't be angry if the machine is on and I don't return your call. If we're close friends and I am not responding to your attempts to help me, please don't resent that, either. Help me by not needing anything from me for a while.
If you're my boss or my co-worker:
• Do recognize that I have suffered a death in my family - not a medical condition.
• Do recognize that in addition to the physical aftereffects I may experience, I'm going to be grieving for quite some time. Please treat me as you would any person who has endured the tragic death of a loved one - I need time and space.
Please don't bring your baby or toddler into the workplace. If your niece is pregnant, or your daughter just had a baby, please don't share that with me right now. It's not that I can't be happy for anyone else, it's that every smiling, cooing baby, every glowing new mother makes me ache so deep in my heart I can barely stand it. I may look okay to you, but there's a good chance that I'm still crying every day. It may be weeks before I can go a whole hour without thinking about it. You'll know when I'm ready - I'll be the one to say, "Did your daughter have her baby?" or, "How is that precious little boy of yours? I haven't seen him around the office in a while."
Above all, please remember that this is the worst thing that ever happened to me. The word "miscarriage" is small and easy. But my baby's death is monolithic and awful. It's going to take me a while to figure out how to live with it. Bear with me.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Sorry
I’m sorry i’m not your little angel any more.
I’m sorry I stopped to care
I’m sorry I never stoped to listend to you dad,
I guess it was all just fear.
I no i’m not the little girl i was before
I no im not the little angel that you used to adore.
I’m not the little sweet girl that used to bring you your coffee in bed,
When you had to much to drink and had your sore head.
As i know i’m not as sweet as sugar
But no one goes through life with a golden feather
I’m sorry dad Im not like you
Im sorry our father daughter relationship is through
Im all grown up now
As hard as it is for me to say,
Its time for me to spread my wings
And fly away
You have always been there for me
but now that i need you the most
You want nothing to do with me
And thats what hurts the most
I’m sorry Please forgive me
its time for me to go
Im sorry that i hurt you dad
thats all i needed you to know
I’m sorry I stopped to care
I’m sorry I never stoped to listend to you dad,
I guess it was all just fear.
I no i’m not the little girl i was before
I no im not the little angel that you used to adore.
I’m not the little sweet girl that used to bring you your coffee in bed,
When you had to much to drink and had your sore head.
As i know i’m not as sweet as sugar
But no one goes through life with a golden feather
I’m sorry dad Im not like you
Im sorry our father daughter relationship is through
Im all grown up now
As hard as it is for me to say,
Its time for me to spread my wings
And fly away
You have always been there for me
but now that i need you the most
You want nothing to do with me
And thats what hurts the most
I’m sorry Please forgive me
its time for me to go
Im sorry that i hurt you dad
thats all i needed you to know
Sunday, June 28, 2009
I wish
I wish i knew what to say
to make all the pain jsut go away
I wish i knew what was happening
before it all happend
I wish i knew now
what i knew then
I wish i held you for longer
instead of pushinig you away
I wish i looked in to your eyes
and said i love you more times than i did
I wish you were here now,
and not jsut in my dreams
I wish you were here now
so you could be apart of our family even more
I widh i had the strength
to take your brother down to meet you
I wish i had the courage
to make every day hurt less
I wish you was here now,
instead ill close my eyes
and see you there
to make all the pain jsut go away
I wish i knew what was happening
before it all happend
I wish i knew now
what i knew then
I wish i held you for longer
instead of pushinig you away
I wish i looked in to your eyes
and said i love you more times than i did
I wish you were here now,
and not jsut in my dreams
I wish you were here now
so you could be apart of our family even more
I widh i had the strength
to take your brother down to meet you
I wish i had the courage
to make every day hurt less
I wish you was here now,
instead ill close my eyes
and see you there
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
every now and agan
Every now and again i jsut sit and wonder, i wonder how life could be and why it has turned out like this?
Everyone tells me that things happen for a reason, and i know this,
So as much as it hurts i think i should/need to let Byce go, i have his stuff around our house that remind me of him i also have his photo up :) and his little brother remindes me jsut of him so in everyway i have bryce around me all the time, it does hurt like hell to let go, though yeah life does move one, and i am sure he would want me to be happy
Everyone tells me that things happen for a reason, and i know this,
So as much as it hurts i think i should/need to let Byce go, i have his stuff around our house that remind me of him i also have his photo up :) and his little brother remindes me jsut of him so in everyway i have bryce around me all the time, it does hurt like hell to let go, though yeah life does move one, and i am sure he would want me to be happy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
